First Grade Comes to a Close.

Seamus finished first grade today. MJ, Finn and I attended the closing mass and I struggled to keep my composure throughout the lovely celebration. Everyone seems to have really grown this year - including the new, young priest, Fr. Joe, who did a really wonderful job helping the kids to think about how they can be a "light" during the summer months.

Seamus's report card shows a student who experienced incredible academic growth in one short year. His teacher, Jane Tracy, will be one of those teachers that I think he remembers forever. I know that I will. She is a tough, no nonsense kind of woman, but she had a hug for him every day. His reading and math skills went from average to excelling and I think he really got the correlation between working hard, listening, practicing and seeing real results. He got 100% or more on every spelling test and so he's earned a dinner out with the family. We are all already looking forward to celebrating with him.

Maureen Krumm and I had a good cry at the last pick up - we laughed at how these little milestones seem to catch us off guard. Heaven help us all at first communion next year.

I got home, made some quick lunch an we're getting ready to spend the afternoon at the pool. I had a moment standing in my kitchen, quietly and unexpectedly of deep, soul filling gratitude.

It took me a long time (or at least it felt that way) to find my way as a woman transitioning into a mom. I struggled with how or why to stay home - it was hard for me to shake the feeling that I should be "working". I think every woman who has kids struggles with how to best fit it all together - do you have to work for financial reasons? Do you need to work for psychological reasons? Do you want to stay home because you don't have a career? Do you want to stay home because being a mom is all you ever wanted to do? The answer is different for everyone (sometime different for the same woman at different points in her life). I've answered these questions (for the time being) for myself so comfortably.

And so standing in my kitchen, making egg sandwiches, listening to the kids find sunblock and bathing suits, I felt immense gratitude for the ability to make my own choices. James works so hard - very willingly - but today I got to go to mass, have lunch with the kids and now take them swimming all afternoon at the pool. I know that he'd kill to have this day - but he makes these sacrifices so that the kids and I have this very wonderful life. I know how lucky I am. I cannot say thank you enough - and I need to remind the kids all the time how fortunate we are for dad's work ethic and his great company.

We don't get where we are alone - people help us, support us, sometimes carry us along the way. They give us options we otherwise wouldn't have had, they teach us things about ourselves that we didn't know, but in the end we rest on the wisdom and support of the people who have loved us.

Some of life is luck - we could very easily be in a different situation and I know we'd handle that just fine - but that doesn't change how important it is to say thank you to the key teachers, parents and supporters in our lives. Seamus and I gave a lot of hugs and thank yous today - but it is almost never enough.

The last year has given me lots of professional satisfaction (though none of the monetary kind) and while that's been so good for me as a woman, I know where my heart is, I love being your mother. I am grateful that motherhood suits me so well. I am grateful that I get to make the choices about how I spend my time, and through you may not have this luxury when you're older, I hope that you can find balance and happiness in your decisions.

When dad gets home tonight, we all need to give him some extra love. Congrats, Seamus on a wonderful year. I can't believe you're a second grader...

(I took a picture of Seamus and Jane at the end of the day - somehow it was deleted from my phone - but it is forever in my heart).