Waiting on the Como Zoo

The boys were all dressed up and waiting - our wonderful neighbors, the Bauers, were taking them on a field trip to the local free zoo. Can you just feel the anticipation?

A Little of This & That...

I'm recharging the camera, so I'll add some pictures later, but I have a few minutes and wanted to post some of the kid stories before I forget them. I'm desperately trying to remember all the interesting/thoughtful things that Seamus has said the last week or so - it's a wild transition watching him go from reactive communication to a more thoughtful and complicated thinker.

He asked me the other day what a heart attack was and why did uncle Tom have one. This was after he had asked me why they were talking about uncle Tom on the music (I was listening to MPR in the car and they were talking about stem cell research and first time heart attack patients). It was the first time I realized that he has understood a lot more than we realized he did about what had happened. Then while we were driving by our church, he asked where the baby Jesus statue was (from the nativity scene that was outside the church during Christmas). I said that they only brought it out during Advent. And he was quiet for a second and then said that uncle Tom was in heaven with Jesus and just like Jesus, uncle Tom was also in his heart...I thought James was going to have to pull over.

We think about kids as having such a simple view of the world, but I think we've learned that it isn't simple at all - it's as complicated and confusing as our own. The first time we told him about Tom, he asked how and then he asked why? And then he went through a list of people named Tom that he knew to make sure he understood who were we talking about - that surprised us a little. But in reality its about the same process we went through too. We were so shocked, it took us hours to really even understand that it was our Tom who was gone.

At the wake, Seamus slept in Grandpa Tom's arms for almost an hour - and he slept through the whole funeral on James's lap - this is a kid who almost never sits still. I bought a card once that showed a soft, fluffy bird resting in the palm of a hand; and the caption read "Sometimes we give and receive comfort at the same time." And Finn who is in the wild phase where he destroys everything he touches, would have nothing the whole time we were in Charleston except for Grandpa. He could be in the throws of a tantrum or some sort of fit and if you said: "Where's Grandpa?" He'd stop immediately and go look for him. It appeared that they were a sort of tonic for each other.

Seamus also tells James every day that he's so sorry his brother died and that he loves him. I believe now that kids are connected to God in a way that we somehow out grow or over-think. We hope, we pray, we have faith; but I believe that Seamus just knows.

When he grows up, I hope he remembers some of this, because its been a great example of letting the children teach and comfort...

Seamus and Finn are also in a really fun phase - where they are into "jokes". Seamus tells knock, knock jokes to Finn (which really only consist of "knock, knock" and then they both burst into laughter. Seamus can also keep Finn rolling for half an hour if he just says "Ut Oh". The other night it went on for almost an hour - they were chasing each other around the house laughing and saying "Ut Oh."

They are both getting excited about the new baby - only a few more weeks - and I think Finn is even starting to get the picture. They both like to rub my belly and look in my belly button to "see the baby". Seamus asks a few times a day if its time for the baby to be born - he's starting to get concerned again about what happens to he and Finn when I go to the hospital. He told me a few nights ago before bed that he wanted to sleep at the hospital too because otherwise he'd worry about me. I've noticed that he's needed some extra hugs and kisses before school and bedtime lately - I guess we all feel that way.

The doctor said she doesn't think that we're having a very big baby - which probably doesn't mean much - but it does lend itself to the idea that Connor will probably be twice the size of our baby by the time he/she is born. I'm feeling good. Had some contractions this weekend which kicked us into gear a little bit - but everything has stopped now. So we're hoping for a due date baby...

Most people are voting that D3 is a little girl - and for the first time I'm even starting to think that it is. We'll see...

A moment of cuddling

Happy Birthday, Auntie Katie!

Happy, Happy Birthday to our favorite aunt Katie! We miss you so much and we're sending lots of hugs and kisses to " San Sico" as Seamus says.

What can I say? You are more than a sister and aunt - you mean the world to us and we are so grateful for you. Know that you are in our hearts every minute of every day and that we are always anxious for our next opportunity for Katie love.

Blessing on you today and in this next year - I hope for many joyful surprises and exciting next steps. And I hope that even though we are not all together, you can still feel everyone's love and connection.

XOXOXO

Smiles.

There is such heartache, but as hard a week as it was, we did a lot of smiling, laughing and loving. Being together was such a clear illustration of how linked we all are by our faith in God, our faith in each other and our belief that Love is truly limitless. I know that we are just at the beginning of a very hard journey, I can guess there will be anger and fear, but it seems so clear today that we are intimately and eternally connected by family, faith and love.

I cannot see Andie and not see Tom's love. I cannot see James, Katie and their parents and not remember Tom's humor, creativity and generosity. And when we look at Connor, we can still see Tom's living legacy growing and changing. In all this sadness, we reach out to each other for comfort and support, we feel unique and collective grief, and we rely on the fact that the way through is in the arms of the people we love. As you can see in these few photos, there are still smiles and there is still joy. If that isn't the hand of God. I'm not sure what is.

James and Connor

Andie asked James to be Connor's godfather - he's being baptised on Easter just as his mom is being confirmed a Catholic. Quite a day for the South Carolina Dougherty's. We hope Connor will see his dad through the eyes of his uncle James...

Thank You.

As many of you know, James's beloved older brother, Tom passed away very suddenly on March 9th. We've been in Charleston, SC with his wife, new son Connor and the rest of the family pretty much since. I want to thank everyone for your calls and e-mails - when something so bad and so unexpected happens - it is a comfort to see all the goodness that comes out of the clear blue.

We'll be honoring Tom with a memorial mass on Saturday, March 24 at 10:00 AM at Nativity Church in St. Paul. I still don't really have the words to talk about all of this - other than to say that we are greatful for every moment we had with Tom. And we are so blessed to have his wife Andie and their new baby, Connor. I took some pictures of our time together this week - as sad as this whole experience is - there is no joy like that of a new, wonderful baby. And Connor is just pure joy.

There were so many times that I felt Tom with us over the last week: when all the boys slept soundly on the plane at the beginning of the hardest trip we've ever taken, when we were all together and able to laugh, loudly at how funny Tom was, when I saw Andie's strength and grace through such a terrible time and when I got to hold Connor and see his huge hands and feet. We all know that Tom is with us - we'll just miss hearing his laugh or feeling his hugs.

That's enough for now. I'll add some pictures from the week in just a bit.

Happy Birthday Paula!

What can we say? We love Paula. Period. James thinks she's hot (she is). Seamus loves her cookies. Finn races to the door for hugs every time he hears her voice. And me, well, most days I'm not sure what I'd do without her. The greatest surprise of our abrupt move back to Minnesota was the discovery of Officer Bob and his perfect wife Paula a few doors away. What can I say? She has the most energy of anyone I've ever met - and I know a lot of women with energy. She's a fabulous athlete, an incredibly devoted daughter, sibling, mother, spouse and friend. She'll drop anything and everything to help you - and you'd never even have to ask. She's sensitive and a worrier and that makes her open and easy to talk to. Basically, she's a Blessing disguised as a curly haired firecracker.

In the weeks leading up to Finn's birth, their son Jeff started showing up to mow the grass. When I tried to pay him the first time, his mother marched into the house and said "Absolutely not. I've already paid him."And I thought, I've move into a neighborhood where the neighbors pay their kids to mow my lawn? Really?

And when we came home from the hospital the house was decorated inside and out with signs and lots of flowers from Paula's garden. She stopped in every day to see how things were going and if we needed anything, and over time I've discovered that no matter how competent I feel as a parent or a person, I've certainly come to need Paula and Bob. Whether it is their uncanny ability to stop over while water is pouring through my ceiling,or drive through the ally when the dome light was left on in the car, or just the dinners and evenings sitting by the fire gabbing (and if ever four people knew how to gab) they are one of the pure pleasures of our lives.

It's easy to highlight all the life-saving examples of friendship, but truth is that the times that have endeared her most to me, were the times when James was working all hours and she'd come down and have a glass of wine and a little adult conversation after the kids went to bed. I look back on that now, and realize without her friendship that would have been a very hard time for us. But instead, it was often easy and fun because I knew I was never alone. I am a better parent and person because Paula has filled in with an extra set hands at bath time or a warm baked good just at those points when I was feeling fried. Maybe it's a coincidence that she shows up when I'm feeling wiped out or maybe this is how God takes care of us. He gives us each other to watch over. We all have the choice to take care of our neighbor or not, mostly I suppose we don't in this day and age, but Paula is a great example of taking care of her neighbor both literally and figuratively.

Happy Birthday, Paula. You are a gift to us. The picture is from last November - it's the morning we took our Christmas pictures. Guess who stopped down on the way home from church to take the photos...

Some random Finn themed photographs...

Finn in various state of destruction...
Nothing is safe when he's around...
Brothers are the best...

Some random Seamus themed photos...

Seamus cheering Dad on at the Fronzen Half Marathon (note the cowbell)...
Seamus the photographer (he calls this "Startled Mom and Brother)...
Seamus the winter explorer (the suburbs are great for cul de sac snow mounds)...
Seamus the hot chocolate cook (he made it himself)...

22 inches of snow

Well, not to continue the Minnesota stereotype, but we currently have 22 inches of snow on the ground (over 8 days) and more falling.

For some reason, I just felt that needed to be noted.

James

A Sad Goodbye

So sadly, our good family friend, Bill Malloy passed away last weekend and his funeral was on Wednesday. Not only have Bill & Renee been some of my parent's closest friends for about 40 years, they were also our next door neighbors in Cherry Hills for more than 30 (and across Bottle Lake for just about as many). Their love story of small town American officer meets French aristocrat beauty in the shadows of world war two is a one in a million sort of tale. She leaves her life of privilege behind to travel all over the US with her gentle and wonderful new husband, finally settling to raise their family in St. Paul. They were every bit the fairytale and we are so sad to see him gone. As a child growing up next to this family (for me it was mostly about Bill & Renee and their grandchildren since their children were all grown by the time I mostly remember) was a wonderful sort of privilege. They brought a sense of worldliness and gentility to our suburban neighborhood, and yet they were always full of fun and life (and a little teasing too).

As I grew older and thought about family and home, I genuinely hoped we'd have a "Malloy" sort of relationship - I'm not sure it would ever be possible to repeat. The stories are many and varied: Once when our house had just been burglarized, Bill showed up with a shotgun and a holstered hand gun (as it was illegal in those days to have a gun without a holster...not sure why...) ready to defend the neighborhood - what he and my father thought they might do with those guns probably hadn't crossed their minds until the next morning. But there he was in the middle of the night standing with my parents, looking out for their children. I believe that the first call was to Bill and Renee's house and the SECOND call to the police. So much for the insurance salesman and the engineer...

He and Renee also would be known to have a "nightcap" at my parent's house after all the kids (their 5 and my parent's 6 at the time) were in bed (nightcap = martini). These nightcaps went well into the wee hours... Who has this kind of energy any more? For a long time the only kids that were in our neighborhood while I was growing up were the Malloy's visiting grandchildren. My first crush and also first kiss was with their oldest grandson, Graham, and every time I saw Bill until my wedding day he'd tease me about it. He always had a mischievous twinkle in his eye. The first time I ever went sailing was with Bill and it was about the only time I ever felt totally comfortable tilting over the side of a quick moving boat. He had the special gift of making you feel important, smart and beautiful. If only there was more of that gift in the world.

I could go on and on about the kind of man he was, but the most true thing I can say about him is that we were all better, more interesting people for having known him.
He will be missed so much. God Bless you, Bill. You certainly blessed us.

Connor!

Sorry for the long delay - it's been a busy two weeks and we've been staying at my sister Peggy's house since Monday - as you might imagine I haven't had much time to even think about blogging.

First of all, WELCOME CONNOR DOUGHERTY! Seamus and Finn are now officially BIG cousins and are VERY excited about the newest addition! Tom, Andie and family are doing great - besides being a beautiful baby - he also weighed in at 9 pounds (holy cow, Andie!) Everyone sounds relaxed and happy (or as relaxed as you can when you've just had a life changing experience :)

Seamus wants to name our baby Connor now too - which again is confusing since he's sure it is a girl. The last time I talked to Tom I told him we had to get the boys together soon because in about three months I was pretty sure Connor would be following in "Tough Tommie's" footsteps and be willing and able to kick the Minnesota Dougherty cousins' little butts. Let's just hope that he's benevolent... Aren't they all gorgeous!