Dear Grandpa Tom,

Happy Birthday, Grandpa Tom.

So much has happened since you left us. I know that you are very much still in our lives, but some days the absence is concrete and physical, some days the grief still feels fresh and new. But I look at the kids, especially Finn, and I am reminded that your hands are still very much at play in our lives.

Your 5th grandchild is fast approaching and I can't help but wish that it would be today (at this point in the pregnancy I suppose I wish it for any day - but today somehow even a bit more). The first four grandchildren are growing and thriving. Seamus is often the leader and chief in charge. Finn can be a watcher and a worker. MJ is almost always full of energy and spunk.

This summer Andie married a wonderful man, Chad Hershberger, and we had the chance to spend more than a week with Connor in Charleston and Minnesota. He adjusted to being part of a loony family well, falling in line with the kids immediately. I can see that there is a lot going on behind his big dimple and mischievous smile - it's going to be so fun to watch him grow up. He looks old for a 4 year old - growing and thriving - full of jokes and giggles. We all see Tom in him, but we also see his own wonderful personality emerging too. This is a big year for him, but a good, loving year of change. Andie is happy and has found a new wonderful love story - we all can see that her joy is real and we know that Tom would want this for her and Connor. The last 4 and a half years feels like a blink and a lifetime - I suppose it is somehow both.

I've had what feels like a very long pregnancy, but it has been healthy and I feel good. I'm on my way to the gym and I can almost hear you laughing at me. I have this conversation in my head (that must be based on one that really happened). You're sitting in the sun room reading the Times and I am complaining about feeling large and uncomfortable and you point out that I'm really not much of either. And of course, I know that you're right. It is a funny thing, but it feels like a real memory. Maybe it was a dream.

James becomes more and more like you each day (ask Katie). Sometimes I wonder if it is intentional - because I know how often he thinks about what you would say or how you would handle something. You made so many sacrifices for his up bringing, his education, you worked so hard to make a life for your kids that would be easier so they would see all their choices. I know that the idea of being in the Secret Service and the reality of the work often spanned a wide gap. You did your job and paid your bills. You expected your kids to be smarter and have more than you. You admired the choices they were making as adults. James is successful, practical. He's a remarkable father and husband. You set the ground work so that he could choose to put away his suitcases to be home for his kids. He is so grateful for your role modeling - but maybe not more than I am. He is so much the best of you.

Grandma Barbara had given the boys pins and wallets from you and they have become wonderful treasures. She's been a model for fearlessly trying to reinvent yourself - moving, taking big steps, working so hard to re-envision her life. We know that it is hard business but she's been the model of resiliency (even when she doesn't feel like it). Retirement has been a great new phase in her life and we are appreciating and loving her flexibility. The chance to spend more time together is nothing but wonderful.

A funny thing I realized recently is that you spent so much of your career between far away places, shuttling between airports and transports, doing a job that was sometimes exciting and interesting, but more often just frustratingly far from home. I would expect Katie didn't plan to share this experience as a professional - but she's made the experience her own. She uses her miles and enjoys first class (thank God for Barbara's influence). You'd be proud of her work ethic and her decision making, her lovely (and practical) home. She's generous. She's opened her home and her life up to your niece, Liz. She's reached out to the family forming new bridges and maintaining relationships. She's found her own way, made her own life and knowing that you'd admire it, means a lot to her.

I've was reminded recently (when Katie hosted Megan and Katelyn) that we had a special connection and I was thinking about how I'm sorry you didn't have a chance to spend more time with MJ. The last few months, she's been precious in a way that would have made you laugh and love her so much. I tell her that you used to call her "My girl" and she loves that. The very idea of you makes her feel special - I can only imagine how the real you would have made her feel. She's tender and patient (these are relatively new traits for her). She's been a real caretaker of me these last few months - rubbing my back, quietly letting me nap, patient with the general lack of energy. We read a lot together now, we talk a lot and we've enjoyed this precious time while she's still my baby. I hope you see how wonderful she's become.

I'm rambling, but its only because there is so much going on. So much that has happened. Know that you are never far from our thoughts and never for an instant away from our hearts. My birthday wish for you is that you can see the beautiful lives, all the lucky people who are enjoying the ground work you laid down.

Happy Birthday, Tom. We love you as always.