Cowboy Talent Show

Tonight we had a nice dinner all together for the first time in a little while. Which somehow turned into a country western kids concert. It made my heart feel bigger as if like the grinch, seeing children smiling, singing for no reason other than the joy of being together, can open us up to an even greater appreciation of our (very fortunate) love of eachother.

I want to remember this moment. I want to remember how wonderful these unexpected (and fleeting) moments of our children's childhood are. I registered Finn for kindergarten today - how is that possible?

Finn is READY for Roundup.

Report Cards

Seamus came home today with a great report card which included a comment from his teacher that "he was developing a love of creative writing."

Buddy, I am so proud of all your hard work in school.

Finn continues to fall apart.

BEFORE: Next tooth is not long for this world. Oh boy, liquid diet...

AFTER: Going, going, GONE. Lost second front tooth tonight, kindergarten physical tomorrow, Kindergarten round up on Thursday. Its all going too fast.

2010 Photos

Some old photos from my phone.

Grandma Barbara

This photo is from Grandma Barbara's holiday trip. She's now formally retired and making the semi-move to SC!

Shoveling Out

Finn shoveled neighbor Grace's entire walk and driveway on her birthday. Like I've said, he's a hard worker for a 5 year old.

What Kind of Animal Am I?

There has been a lot of talk this week in the news about good vs. bad
parenting. And it's gotten me thinking about my own rules of
parenting. In the short seven years that I've been a mom here are the
five things that guide each day of parenting for me (I'm going to
remind my future self to critique these in 20 years):

1. Love your partner.
2. Be the kind of person you want your child to grow up to be.
3. Little is as important as big.
4. Take care of your body.
5. Listen.

Working hard at having a strong, loving relationship that illustrates
joy, commitment, problem solving, and shared history is one of the
very best things you can do for a child. Our parents marriage teaches
us about what marriage means - both for good and for bad so I try and
always remember that this is the single most influential thing that I
do to show my kids how to deal with people. Not everyone has a spouse,
and I don't know how I would handle being a single parent. I hope I
don't ever find out. But all I can think is that we all have
relationships that define us - sibling, parent, other relative or
friend - and when our kids think about us - my guess is they will
think about how we interacted with this person.

I also always think about the big dreams I have for my kids and at
some point in the last two years I realized I had to walk the walk not
just talk the talk. This isn't as hard as it sounds. It can be as
simple as working hard to BE a good sibling myself so that my kids can
see I mean it when I say they have to take good care of each other. If
you want your kids to be avid readers, you'd better pick up a book.
This to me is the most cerebral part of parenting - I am always
thinking about what my own actions are teaching my kids. I am a work
in progress. We aren't always on our best behavior, but sometimes
when we fail we are presented with even more opportunity. If I lose my
temper (which happens and is different than yelling because your kids
are about to do something dangerous, mean spirited etc. This is about
the moments when you're angry about something else, overtired, sad etc
and your kids pay the price), I always try to apologize. We can show
that we aren't perfect, but we do have to be accountable for how we
behave.

The little things we do each day, saying please and thank you, sharing
our precious things, getting through the day, prayers at bedtime,
these are the things that make up our lives. It isn't the few big
events - the weddings, the graduations, the promotions, the accolades
- it is the simple everyday ordinary moments. How we greet and treat
the people we live with is truly who we are. So I made a big deal
about how the kids treat and talk to each other, how they view
sharing, how they understand giving and receiving, and what they view
as the most important things. James started a tradition a few years
ago. If you ask the kids what the most important thing is - I can
guarantee they will answer "being good to your family." Someday we'll
probably have arguments with the kids about this concept, but my hope
and my prayer is that in the end it will be imprinted on their hearts.

Life is totally unpredictable. We do not know when our time is up,
but I think about how grateful I am that my dad got a second chance in
his 50s to change his life (I am also grateful for the drugs that
probably saved his life). My dad's had the chance to walk me down the
isle, know my husband and hold my children. Quitting smoking, watching
his diet and making moderate exercise a part of his life has helped
keep him around and I am grateful. We don't often get second chances,
so we do the best we can with the bodies we have, I feel we owe that
to each other.

Listening is a funny thing. It should be easy - it often isn't. But
what I believe is that if we open our ears (and our minds) to the
world around us - we make our own impact. How does listening impact?
Seems counterintuitive? I remember in high school talking politics
and religion with my dad. I knew he had his opinions, but the best way
he shaped mine was listening to what I had to say. With TBPP I cannot
tell you how often I feel like just sitting with someone as they are
working out their worries, makes more of an impact than anything I
could do or offer. Trust that other people have smart, insightful
things to say and teach us. We are never to old to stop learning.

Parenting is much harder, much more intellectual than I expected. I
genuinely fall into bed thinking about how I did that day. Sometimes I
am pleased, sometimes I'm glad I get to try again the next day. But
in the end, if I honestly do my best for the kids (which is not always
my best for myself) than in the end, I think it will turn out all
right. Getting kids dressed, bathed, potty trained and to bed are the
simple things. The hard work is raising people we can trust will leave
the world a better place.

The house is so quiet right now, I'm sure MJ is plotting world
domination in the basement...

Finn's Winter Eyewear.

Faith, Humor and Optimism

I want to write something about the last week - but I'm having a hard time getting started. I guess the best place to start is with the moral of the story: My parents have taught all their kids how to face a world that is unpredictable and ever changing with real faith, a reasonable amount of humor and pragmatic optimism.

My dad's mantra "we are blessed" is always present in their lives no matter what they are facing - and my mom's mantra "have more fun" is also at the forefront of each day. These guiding principles have shaped my own marriage as well as how I view the world around me. No matter what we've been through, I always remember that I am incredibly fortunate and that I need to live in and enjoy the moment. It's not even something I need to work at - my parents have so impressed this upon me that it is a natural reaction.

I was driving on Saturday afternoon, running a few typical weekend errands, picking up pictures for TBPP, heading to the library and I wanted to get the car cleaned. I called my parents to let them know that I was planning to stop over later. My dad answered the phone and said he had something he wanted to talk to me about.

He'd been to the doctor to talk about some concerns he had about his short term memory - it had been a helpful visit and then he'd spent that morning with Chris, who is his power of attorney, and Nick who is not his doctor but who has been very involved in his healthcare. They had a good visit and then the three of them had a nice chat with my mom about what dad's concerns really mean. He sounded wonderful on the phone, his voice calm and maybe even a little relieved. He told me this was nothing to worry about - but he wanted to make sure everyone knew about it.

He said he knew that this wasn't a surprise to me, but he asked me how I felt. And honestly, the thing I felt the most was blessed and proud. All I could think of was that this was my dad at his very best - self aware, honest, and loving. His concern was more about my mom and his kids and less about himself. Classic dad.

The truth is that last week was no different from this week - nothing has changed except my dad feels better about being honest with his concerns how ever modest they are. In this simple act of going to the doctor and calling all his kids he showed us something else: we shouldn't be afraid. We should look at our lives with open eyes and clear hearts - and if we can do that - everything will be ok. Labels, diagnosis, prognosis don't matter near as much as how we approach a situation. And how we approach a situation says more about us than anything else.

My mom's comments about the whole situation were as telling as my dad's. When I talked with her on the phone, she also asked how I felt, and I told her the same thing I told my dad, that I was proud of them. She's got plans for my dad which include more exercise and drinking more water - but in the end she said he's really doing great. And if something changes they'll deal with that - but for now they're just going to take care of themselves and have a lot of fun. The truth is that winter is a hard time of year for my dad - he misses the gardening, golfing and the warm weather. Mom is optimistic that he'll feel better after they get some time in the sun - they're heading for a month long vacation in Florida (all my sisters and I are joining them for one weekend - yippee).

Saturday night James, I and the kids went to mass. We sat behind Paula and her parents who have had a sort of rough winter - but who are as wonderful and feisty as ever. I was feeling sort of tender. Paula and I have been crazy busy the last few months and haven't spent as much time together (I bet her son Jeff wishes he could say the same - poor kid is always at my house scanning pictures). The offertory song began to play and I started to cry. The only other time I've heard this song was a few years ago at another tender time.

It was The Servant Song:

Brother, let me be your servant
Let me be as Christ to you
Pray that I may have the grace
To let you be my servant, too

We are pilgrims on a journey
We are brothers on the road
We are here to help each other
Walk the mile and bear the load

I will hold the Christlight for you
In the night-time of your fear
I will hold my hand out to you
Speak the peace you long to hear

I will weep when you are weeping
When you laugh I'll laugh with you
I will share your joy and sorrow
Till we've seen this journey through

When we sing to God in heaven
We shall find such harmony
Born of all we've known together
Of Christ's love and agony

Brother, let me be your servant
Let me be as Christ to you
Pray that I may have the grace
To let you be my servant, too

And I wasn't crying just because I was sad, but because it was so crystal clear to me how God works in our lives. We are given to each other as gifts to be enjoyed, treasured and shared - whether it is our parents, our spouses, our children, our siblings or our very good friends. My parents spent a lot of time last week (and over the last few months) helping a friend and neighbor who was dying of cancer. Mom brought food and my dad brought up communion. But what they brought more than anything was support and comfort. My parents have shown me that serving each other isn't the duty - it's the reward.

Now in the days that have followed, I got to spend time with my folks up at the cabin. Dad drove us up and helped me lug our stuff through the snow to the cabin (it was incredibly deep). I took Seamus out of school for a day and we all read lots of books, skied, and snowshoed. It was a lovely three days - kids were great and my parents were fabulous. We hot tubbed one night and my mom made a lovely meal. We laughed a lot - we made quite a few memory jokes. My parents are still actively parenting, supporting, serving me, I rely on them so much and I am entirely grateful for it.

Outdoor adventures

Adventuring out in the deep, deep Minnesota snow. Boys on hand me down cross country skis (thanks Winsors), MJ riding a makeshift sled (designed by Seamus) powered by mom. Perfect kind of winter excercise - not too cold and no wind. I'll be ready for a nap.

Seamus Reading Bedtime Stories

Seriously? Who even needs me anymore?

Road Tripping

I remember riding to the lake in the backseat of various family cars, hanging my head into the front seat talking (and talking and talking - sound familiar?). I was a lucky girl to have parents who humored my "communication skills". But today, driving in the back of the Tahoe, I can see how fortunate I am as a woman.

More later...

I love my dad.

Making Friends on the Way Home from School.

From much, much warmer days...

Finn is Falling Apart.

Losing Teeth left and right. All he wants for Valentine's day is a front tooth. He's delighted because the Tooth Fairy (TF) brought him $5 and LEFT his tooth...

January Snowman -Winter Brotherhood

So this is the kind of winter that separates the Minnesotans from the Non-Minnesotans. It has been VERY snowy and pretty darn cold. But it is also the first year that the boys really discovered how fun playing outside on their own can be (instead of having dad or mom take you sledding, skating etc). It has been a revelation of sorts because the boys (note MJ stays mostly inside by the fire) can discover their own adventures climbing on the snow banks or making forts. This snowman, I'd like to call "Winter Brotherhood".


I had sent Seamus outside to burn off some energy and he decided to make a snow man. The snow is a little wet and incredibly heavy which is a good and a bad thing for building. I watched him from the living room rolling up the base and the snowman's middle and he just wasn't strong enough to get the two balls stacked on each other. I could see he was getting frustrated and as I made my way to the back door to get my boots on, I heard the sliding door close and I saw Finn racing around the side of the house. They had some brief conversation (which I wish I could have heard) and then they each took a side of the snow torso and set it gently on top of the base. First try. No big deal. They stayed outside working on it for about another hour laughing and occasionally throwing snowballs. It was a lovely lesson for me about parental intervening - as much as I wanted to step in myself - it is so good to give the boys opportunity to share and support each other without mom or dad getting in the middle. It is amazing what kids can do when you give them some space.

Variations on a Theme

Most days look something like this:

Starting with a new view - 1.11.11

So one of my resolutions this year is to get back to the blog. We just finished a lovely visit from Grandma Barbara and its left me feeling a little sad. Finn and I spent a big part of the day today reading through old entries and checking out old photos. It was so fun.

So I'd like to start off the new year with a few words for each of you:

Seamus, 2010 was a sort of remarkable year for you. I can tell you that you love school and that Mrs. Tracy has been a wonderful blessing in your life. One day reading was difficult and frustrating and the next day it was a piece of cake. You feel so grown up to me now - you're great about getting ready for school (most days), remembering your library books and all your assignments. So far you've never missed a spelling word - which means that now you can spell hundreds of words without too much trouble. Wow. You're eager to learn, to share and to make new friends. You raise your hand without fail during the homilies at the all school masses (you even said "hell" in your last answer and worried the priest was going to be mad). Mrs. Vinck told me she laughed out loud.

But the most memorable school moment with you (for me) was when we stopped in to see your kindergarten teacher in the fall. You just wanted to say hello. It happened to be right after All Saints Day and she told me she'd just been thinking about you. She said that the homily on All Saints Day was about the saints that live all around us, the people in our lives who help us see and feel God in our lives. And then she said that you were one of the first people she thought of - that she remembered how good you made her feel last year after her mom died and how much she enjoys seeing you in the hallways now. I feel so fortunate to be entrusting you with teachers as wonderful as these. My hope for you is that in 2011 you continue to develop this love of learning, growing and inventing. I admire your ability to face just about everything with enthusiasm, optimism and creativity. I can't wait to see what comes next!

Finniepie, you are SO ready for Kindergarten. I'm not sorry that we held you back, but boy, are you ready. This last year was a year for real change for you too. You became our hardest worker - the kid always ready to do the job, run the errand, give up something for someone else. You also spread your wings a bit this year. Swimming to the raft in a life jacket, adventuring through the woods with Seamus - some of the worrier in you seems to have gone away over the last year. And that makes me feel so grateful.

You are a peacemaker and a remarkably emotionally intuitive kid. I would say that you became the bridge of the family this year - the child who everyone thinks loves them best. You are MJ and Seamus's best friends. You always know when Dad or I need the extra cuddle or when we're looking for that little bit of extra help. It could be getting paper towels from the closet, helping MJ buckle in the car, matching socks from the laundry or shoveling the front walk. But you seem to be able to do more than most kids your age. It reminds me of uncle Tom when he was older - you couldn't beat him to a job if you tried (and daddy often tried) - but if suitcases needed to be carried upstairs or someone wanted a quick trip to the grocery store - Tom would have been the first to get it done. It is fun to see this same quality in you.

I often think about how much I need you - that's a lot of responsibility for a 5 year old - but you seem to revel in being a reliable kid. You are also incredibly peaceful. Today you spent almost an hour waiting for me while I finished up some work and I realized how patient you are. You brought some new toys up from the basement and played quietly while I was on the phone - you peeked in twice to see if I was done and then went back to playing. I always want to remember to make sure you're getting enough attention - because you just don't demand it like many other kids. But this peaceful presence also gets you a special kind of affection - today you sat on my lap and I read you about two years worth of blog posts and it was so much fun. In 2011, I wish for you a year filled with new adventure - kindergarten, swim team and the independence of being "on your own" during the week. I have to admit that I'm worried about how MJ and I will fare while you're in school - I'm not sure which of us will miss you more - but I'm so eager to see you blossom even more this year.

Mary Jeanne, what can I say? You are aptly named. Now that you're talking (and talking and talking) all the time - we have discovered what a funny girl you are. You are so social, and friendly, you seem to have been born without a tiny bit of shyness. Everyone loves you (and I'm pretty sure you know it). I watch you melt your cousins/aunts/uncles hearts with gentle hugs and kisses (Uncle Nick, Aunt Julie and Grandma MJ are frequent and favorite victims). But then you can have us all laughing one minute later. You are an organizer - you play with your toys like you are a drill Sargent - "Quinn, you sleep here. Celia, you sit here." You also are blessed with a peaceful brother who lets you direct a lot of play time. You were teasing Finn a little last night and he was upset with you. He told you that you were very lucky to have brothers who are so good to you and I had to agree with him. You did say sorry and tell him that you love him - but it was a great example of how lucky you really are.

I love having a daughter. We are having so much fun together - you love when we're able to have some "girl time" and it always makes me feel so fortunate. You are very girlie in many of the stereotypical ways - you love pink and princesses (no matter how much we try and discourage it) - but you are also incredibly strong and practical. You recover from injuries (both emotional and physical) almost immediately and you start every day smiling and eager. You're still young enough that most mornings you crawl into bed with us (often your brothers do too). Dad and I treasure this quiet time with you so much - you like to call it "thinking time". As in "I'm not tired, I just want to do some thinking." We would love to know everything that you're thinking (we hope it isn't plans for world domination). In 2011, you'll be 4 years old. I cannot believe it. I hope that this is a year of learning for you too, a year where we get to just enjoy the precious time before you too are off to school full time. I bet you'll be riding a two wheel bike this summer, swimming to the raft with the boys and as always keeping us laughing, keeping us on our toes.

2010 was an interesting year for me too. I would say a year of lots of reaching and learning. Parenting this year was somehow easier than other years - the kids are just at a simple, wonderful age. Maybe it was easier because we are a little farther from the grief of Tom and Tom or maybe the lake was a healthy distraction for the kids or maybe it was just one of those sweet and golden years. But I will remember it as a gift whatever the reason.

On January 1st, 2010 I formed The Big Picture Project and started on a very special journey (which sadly as you can see effected the frequency of the blog). It's been terribly rewarding as I've met some wonderful people and learned a lot about listening (which was a skill of mine that needed honing). It has been a strange silver lining to the MFA rejection at the U. I've always been interested in telling stories - but now I see that maybe the stories I am supposed to be telling aren't fiction at all. I have the lovely privilege of giving a person and a family back the story of their own rich lives. It is a blessing. And now for the first time in a long time, I feel like the writing is coming back too.

And James, a few words for you. Its been a big year for us - 2010 was unpredictable in that we bought a cabin we never intended to own and I started a venture I never dreamed of doing. We have our dreams for this year - but I also know that what ever 2011 brings for better or for worse - we'll be grateful for sharing it together. I am excited for your half iron man - and a little grateful to not be running another marathon this year. I can't wait for a real vacation at the lake together this year. I guess the thing I wish for us in 2011 - is that we face each day with faith, optimism and togetherness. The first 10 years of marriage were a piece of cake - so grateful to be starting the second 10...Love you.