Almost Too Much To Say

I have so many things to write about - my fingers and brain feel clogged.

Including: Head Bonk - the new game Seamus and Finn invented (here's a clue, whoever wins isn't crying). School starting - no tears - but one of us is having sleepless nights. Finn's finger and the log splitter (who needs that fingernail anyway...) Seamus's new fears (these ones aren't so funny). MJ on wheels (she walks with her hands on her hips - and loves to tell you No - sound familiar?) Bob and Paula visited the lake (have you seen the movie RV?). My brother and his wife are expecting identical TWINS in February (guess which one - here's a hint, the twins are not currently nursing a hangover from the republican national convention nor are they currently getting ready to play inner-uterus soccer.) So, I've got a lot to get out and not very much time.

Where do I start? Well, how about with Finny and his first real day of preschool. He was elated. Look at how cute he is - seriously - I suppose it sounds strange - but truly you fall in love with your kids over and over again and my heart just bubbled over when he came running out of class. Good work starting school, buddy, you're going to do so great. Seamus also start school - this will be his last year of preschool - next year he's on to bigger and better things. When we were talking about this, we had just dropped off Finn and were heading to the gym. I thought he'd be excited to think about going to a big school. You know the first thing he said? "But if I go to school everyday, when will I ever get to play with Finny?" How's that for falling in love?


I also started school (so help me God). Today I'm having a bit of a crisis of confidence (as Sarah so accurately put it this morning). I know how badly I want to be doing this, I know that it's going to be hard, I also am aware for one of the first times in a long time, I'm truly afraid to fail. Failure for me isn't about the grades or the degree or being spread too thin and in over my head. This fear isn't about just getting a MFA, or writing a book or truly feeling at home calling myself a writer - it's that these are all things that I've always held deep in my soul. I want this so bad. And if I can't do it - I'm terrified I won't know who I am. This is one of the few things that is purely selfish for me - I want James to be proud of me, I want my kids to be proud of me, but frankly, I need to be proud of me. And so begins this journey...

James opened a bottle of champagne on Wednesday night and took a picture of me on my first day of school. The kids are cuter, but you can only work with what you're given.


AND THEN...my mom called at 7:30 this morning to tell me that Eric and Kathy are expecting babies 8 and 9. That will be 40 grandchildren for my parents (thanks guys for taking the pressure of James and I to round out the 38). Now, I am almost irrationally excited about this. I've already bought baby presents. I cried in front of the store clerk while I was shopping for said present. I guess that while I was talking to Eric this morning on the phone (ok, I'm starting to cry again), I thought about how much fun I had as the tail end of my family. And Eric was a big part of that fun for me (even though I hate to admit how much I adore him). And then thinking, TWO babies, wow. Life is full of surprises and more love is never a bad thing. Eric's oldest, Ben, is a freshman in at BC and the youngest, Celia, is our goddaughter, and she's 7. Chris was a freshman at Notre Dame when I was born (dating his future wife, none the less). And Eric was 11. I can just feel how much we're all going to love these babies. We're going to pray for healthy, lively, little munchkins to arrive as a Valentine to big family love. We're going to need fingers AND toes to count all their family now. OK - kids are waking up. More stories later.