The Mohawk

The boys got their summer hair cuts on Thursday and Friday. Finn got his because he got gum in his hair - another fun "first". Seamus missed the cut on Thursday because he was playing at a friend's house. On Thursday night he said instead of a buzz cut, he wanted a Mohawk. We asked how he knew what a Mohawk was and he said from "the barber".




We're not sure when he was pursuing haircuts at a barbershop, but in the end James said, "Ok, Bud, but just for the weekend." So this was the weekend of the Mohawk. I bought a bike on Saturday and we brought all three kids to pick it up. Seamus was sporting his new hairdo as well as a beat up t-shirt and camouflaged boots. James called him St. Paul punk. Let's just say he acted the part.

Actually he was sort of spit and vinegar all weekend which I attributed to the hair cut, so first thing yesterday morning I shaved the rest of it off. Whew. He did say that next time he wanted it to be blue...

Mothers. Daughters. Sisters. Friends.

I'm having a hard time keeping up with the blog - the sunshine, the closet cleaning, the gardening and the Dougherty summer of Fitness 2008 - is getting in the way of my creative process. Life has been really wonderful lately. The boys are funny, wild and happy. They are also pretty independent (well, as independent as a preschooler can be), they are happy to play in the yard making mud pies or playing soccer (which looks very little like real soccer since there is usually tackling). MJ is thinking about walking - she seems to change every day - and we are enjoying her thoroughly. James took the boys to the compost last night to clear out my weekends work, and so I had some quiet time with MJ. I read to her in the rocker that James bought for me the mother's day I was pregnant with Seamus and she seemed to delight in the special attention. Sometimes I think I could smother the kids with kisses and snuggles. It is such a blessing.




We headed up to the lake over mother's day weekend to open cabins (since this is the latest spring that anyone can remember). And I got to enjoy some fun time with my mother. MJ slept all through brunch (the smaller one) so I didn't get a picture with the three of us. Mother's Day for me this year was really about feeling grateful that I enjoy being a mother so much - which sounds silly - but I just didn't know that I would be as happy and comfortable with motherhood. I'm a place right now where I feel so pleased to be exactly where I am - for the first time (maybe ever in my life) I know I am doing exactly what I want to be doing and what I need to be doing. It took me awhile to get here, but now that I've arrived I feel a sort of gratitude to the kids for helping me find this part of myself. Diapers, dinners and discipline aren't always a laugh riot, but these wonderful relationships and every day that I have is filled with someones special "first" or watching a child discover something brand new is just a pleasure. And of course, it wouldn't be everything that it is without James. He's been so patient with me as we figure out this parenting thing. Our life is vastly different than what it was five years ago, so much has changed, but I wouldn't make any different choices. The four best things I've ever done were get married, and have each of our children. Now, the best days of my life change all the time, and I'm pretty sure they are all in my future.



I've also included some photos from my mother's birthday (75 whopping years). The girls surprised her with an afternoon of shopping, manicures and lunch. We had so much fun - there was very little quiet in the day - we decided we need to do this every week. The boys surprised her the next night and took her out for drinks - I'm sure this was equally as loud. If I've learned anything its that I hope I enjoy my life, my husband and my kids half as much as my mother does. We all my be lunatics, but we sure have fun.












The pictures are acting goofy, I'll try and fix later.

In the Quiet Moments

Last night in the quiet time before bed, I was telling James about my conversations with Seamus yesterday and he reminded me that I should be blogging about these sorts of things, but my heart still feels so heavy sometimes that it's just too hard. But he pointed out how important it will be for Seamus to know how important Grandpa Tom was to him as a child and how he struggled just like the rest of us even though he was so small.

We walked down to the gym and the grocery store in the morning and had been talking about Grandma Barbara and when we were going to see her again. And Seamus said, "Mamma, it just isn't fair. I don't understand why I don't get to have my grandpa anymore." On and off during the day yesterday, he'd want to sit in my lap and he'd cry a little. This happens every once in awhile. And it's so hard when they say things that you don't have answers for - which Seamus seems to do more and more now. And I told him I agreed that this didn't seem fair, but that there was nothing we could really do about it now except think about all the wonderful times we had together. You know, I just didn't really have anything else to say, and I really want him to remember some of this time, but I guess I know that these memories may fade. I guess that's the hardest thing to swallow.

So I asked Seamus what he remembered. And he said he remembered going crabbing off the pier (even though we didn't catch any crabs, it was still fun); he remembered the boardwalk and getting pizza and running in the rain; playing at the park when MJ was born and skinning his knees; he remembered opening grandpa's box of treasure from Christmas and reading stories on the sofa. He said he just wanted to see him again. We talked about all of these things for a while and I'm not sure we really felt better, but we did enjoy thinking about all the good times. It's a very hard part of parenting when you realize that no matter what you do or say, you can't fix everything or heal every wound, you just do you best to love your child and help them be the kind of people who can be strong and resilient. Being sad and angry and hurt is all part of life - I guess its best they learn that while surrounded by people who love them.

Finn has also had some just excruciating comments in the last few months. Even though he was so small, he and Grandpa had a very special bond. He really didn't understand what happened. When young Tom died we underestimated how much the boys understood, I think this time we overestimated. Before Easter, Finn kept asking if Grandpa was coming back. And then he would repeat (sometimes endlessly) "grandpa died." or "your dad died." It was almost enough to make James crazy. In early March, before bedtime he started in on his routine and I said maybe a little sharply, "No, honey, it's not nice to say that all the time, you're making us all feel more sad." And I realized right away it was the wrong thing to say. He looked so confused. And I realized he wasn't really making a statement so much as he was asking a question. He just didn't understand what had happened and no one was explaining it to him. So we talked a little more that night and then he said "Mom, I'm a superhero. I save him." And I feel apart. I said there wasn't anything to save Grandpa from - he just was where he needed to be - even though that isn't where we wanted him to be. The next night after showers he asked me again if Grandpa was coming and when I said no, he held on to my face and said "Please". Like we were withholding him. I know that there will be other hard things, but boy, these few conversations rattled within long after they were over.

Boys, you each knew and loved your Grandpa. And he loved you both so much. I hope by the time you are reading these stories that we've told you so many more. I hope you can picture him in your hearts and know that we have been so blessed. MJ all I can say is that he loved holding you and he was tickled to have a granddaughter. I wish you'd had more time together, but I know he would have treated you like a prize. The beauty of family and blood is that even though you won't remember his touch, a part of him is part of you forever and always.

That's enough for now.

Can You Tell the Weather's Been Better?

So I haven't been inside with the computer very much, it feels so nice to be out walking all over again. Although last night I needed to make a quick run to get wine from the liquor store, and I thoughts, "why, it's so nice, I'll just walk..."

Well, we stopped at Nick and Erin's on the way there and Seamus left his shoes which I didn't notice until we were about three blocks from the store. Fortunately, Finn was wearing a pair of Seamus's croc's and he was now conveniently fast asleep in the stroller (which is so well worn that a homeless person would throw it out). The boys looked like they've spent the afternoon playing in the dirt, which of course they had. And the baby is babbling like a talk show host on my back - squawking loudly. So with MJ on my back and Finn asleep on my front, I begin shopping in the excessively narrow wine isles. The clerk, a squeaky clean looking college student, helps to ring me up and then offers to carry the bag to the car...."Um, thanks, that would be a big help, but I'm not in a car...." He loaded the booze into the back of my stroller and we all headed off - Finn vaguely awake now and eating a sucker that Seamus had gotten for him. About a mile from home, the basket carrying the wine collapsed out of the stroller (of course, mid street), and I had to unload the wine into my children's arms...just about two blocks from home, a neighbor I haven't seen in a while pulled up next to me to say hi..."Hi, yes, kids are getting big, lovely weather, get together soon, is that wine in the boys laps?" Yep. Classy. I'm really up for mother of the year...

The pictures are from MJ opening her birthday treats! Thanks Andie and Grandma!

One Year Old!

This afternoon right around 3, Mary Jeanne will turn one year old. What do I have to say to you on your first birthday? Well, surrounded by lots of family and friends we celebrated last night with a Spring time BBQ. Everyone remarked about having their first brat or gin and tonic of the season, about how great it felt that Spring was finally here, how desperate we all were for the beautiful weather and season change. This really resonated with me. I think that your birth last year was timed perfectly in the course of the year - from your first day on the scene you refreshed us, renewed us and made us so grateful for new growth, new life.


And nothing has changed. You have been a pleasure all year round and I truly don't know what we would have done without you. Your brothers adore you. last night while we were saying prayers, I asked Seamus if he remembered when we went to the hospital to have you. He said yes, he remembered being with grandma and grandpa. I asked if he remembered what he wanted to name you, and he smiled wryly and said "Batman". He laughed a little and said how silly that sounded - it was fun to see that in a year he has changed so much too. He then smirked and said "I guess we should have named her The Joker". But not too much.

Yesterday afternoon you got your first ride on Finn's bike (which was Seamus's even before that). He got on the front and you wrapped your arms around his tummy and held on as he careened around the yard. I kept telling Finn that when he was your age he used to do the same thing with Seamus. He smiled a HUGE smile. He loves being your big brother.

I didn't expect that having a daughter would be wildly different than having a son, but I am aware of more and more examples of how subtle the difference can be. I think of Katie sleeping with her Mom for the week after Tom died, that's a comfort that a son would struggle to provide. I think of a mother watching her own daughter become a mother. There is something so personal and powerful in childbirth that I image that your mother can truly appreciate your experience in a totally unique way. I am surprised by these little revelations - they happen all the time - swapping clothes or shoes - handing down first communion dresses or wedding dresses - these are things that we may or may not share - but the opportunity to do so - for me feels like such an enormous blessing.

You've already missed out on some very important people, but you have filled up our lives in a way that lets us know how important it is to go on. Each little milestone - a wave goodbye or a game of peek-a-boo - is such a gift.

We had a wild sort of day yesterday. After playing in the sun most of the morning and neglecting my party organizing jobs, I got ready to put you and your brothers down for a nap. While I was changing your diaper I noticed that you had something in your mouth. I reached in my finger and pulled out three staples still stuck together. You weren't choking - just rolling them around with your tongue. So I called the doctor and got your brothers into the car and we drove all the way to Osseo to see the doctor. You sat through the x-rays like a champ and flirted with the technician as he was getting you all ready. You certainly didn't seem like a child with sharp metal embedded in your stomach. And of course you weren't. Everything checked out fine and your hadn't swallowed any - but it gave me such a scare - I have to admit I had a little cry when we all got loaded back into the car. You are just so precious to us. So the party went on, the scare maybe even prioritized how organized I really needed to be, and we had a great time celebrating the first, wonderful year of your life.



Blessings on you, Sweetheart. You are so loved. Your namesake called this morning at 7:15 to sing you happy birthday, a special ring of joy in her voice. You have blessed us, but also as more birthdays pass, you'll see how blessed you are by all the people who love and adore you. But none will more than your dad, your brothers and myself. Happy first Birthday, MJ.

Happy, Happy Birthday Dad

Today is my father's 76th birthday. We celebrated last night with some linguine and clams, a little strawberry short cake, some good wine and a lot of very loud conversation. I don't need to wax on about dad because the truest blessing for and by my father is that he knows how much he is loved and maybe even more importantly he embraces how much he loves his wife, his kids, his grandkids...his life.

He told some familiar stories and we enjoyed the comfort and very loud solidarity that being together as family brings. He is blessed (maybe because he can't hear that well and with this crowd that truly is a blessing) and nobody knows it better than him. In fact my mother came over today to watch the kids for an hour while James and I completed the refinance of our house. And she told me that dad "yabbed on the whole way home last night about 'all our blessings' and I told him that I'd knock his block off if he said it one more time." Classic.

Here is a link to last year's post after his birthday. Every birthday is a good one - especially for a guy like him. Happy Birthday, Dad.

http://doughertyclan.blogspot.com/2007/04/happy-birthday-grandpa-dj.html