10 Ways to Live a Happy Life (if only it were this easy)

Several things lately have gotten me thinking (and James and I talking) about what defines us, how we find happiness, and what motivates us each everyday.

Uncle Nick gave a short talk last week at the Carondelet Ball (which he and Erin chaired) about the work he does with St. Mary's free clinics. Several times during his talk his voice cracked or he had to pause for composure. It made me think that we should all strive for a vocation (which doesn't have to necessarily be your career) that you love enough to cry in front of a large audience.

Having lost loved ones unexpectedly as well as working with families who are dealing with mortality and end of the life issues, makes us hyper aware of the preciousness of the time we have together.

I'll let dad post what it is that motivates him, we both agreed that it changes over time, but for me it is both self-serving and simple: I get up each morning to take care of my family. Not just you kids, but my parents, my siblings, the Doughertys, our closest friends. This isn't a selfless act, I do it because it gives me motivation and purpose. Even when I'm struggling, I know that people count on me and so it helps me get through. Supporting other people has been a way, maybe even THE way I have saved myself.

I may have to credit Paula for crystallizing this for me as an adult. Through the years she has modeled generosity, exemplified the idea of giving big, and shown me that even when you're running on fumes, a simple act of kindness can revive and re-energize you.

I am a happy person. I an married to a man who inspires me. I am more grateful for you than you will ever know. All I want is to raise you to be happy, good people who love each other and who make a real difference in the world. I can only do so much, the rest will be up to you. I wish I could wave a wand so that you'd find the joy and love that I have found in my life. We are doing the best we can to set you off on this journey with all the right tools, but in the end you are responsible for your own choices. There is no guidebook to happiness, no perfect life, no way to avoid disappointment or suffering. But this is my best guess for finding and giving joy in your lives:

1. Do something you love enough to make you cry - if it isn't something you can do professionally - do it personally.
2. Make yourself indispensable - at work, in your family, in your community.
3. Surround yourself with people who inspire you, let go quietly of the people who can't help but bring you down.
4. Surprise yourself with all that you can get done in a day. We call those "loaves and fishes" days. A sense of accomplishment is its own miracle.
   
5. Be bigger than your pain. Find a healthy way to deal because suffering isn't a one time thing, and you're not the only one doing it.
6. Do something unnecessarily kind for someone every day and don't wait to be asked. The emptier you feel, the more important it is to give.
7. Don't wait for everything to fall into place, put it into place as best you can. Life is meant to be rearranged periodically.
8. Make peace with not getting what you want - resiliency is magic - and we are often the worst judges of what we need. Disappointment often presents new opportunity.
   
9. Being center stage of your own world is very lonely. Make room for other players. In fact its probably best to give up the spotlight, sit back and enjoy.
   
10. Receive each day, every moment as a gift. Be grateful for it all - especially the hard parts - because if you don't do it now, you'll miss your chance. Too often the time we spend worrying is just wasted opportunity, count your blessings before they're gone.
    

You can laugh at this when you're older. I certainly have a lens through which I see the world, and yours indubitably will be different. But even now in your youth, you inspire me. I tend to be reflective about my life, but it is so import to match our introspection with action. I try not to just talk the talk, but also to walk the walk. Often as a society, we worry so much about taking care of ourselves, having "me" time, giving ourselves a break etc, so much so that it seems we miss the point. The happiest people I know seem to spend very little time worrying about themselves, and focusing more on the people around them. There's just got to be something to it. I'm not saying that there isn't room for gentle treatment of ourselves - by all means it is necessary - I just can't help but think sometimes we risk setting the bar too low. Challenge yourself to rise above your own insecurities and failures - the view is better from up there.

I've learned to believe many of these things from watching and raising you. I can't wait to see what you become. And know that we'll love you and support you through it all.