Hello 2009!

It's strange to think that it's 2009 already. Part of me feels like we're rushing into the future at a breakneck pace, as if the present moves too quickly from anticipation to memory. I've been lax with blogging lately for numerous reasons, but one reason is that I don't want to miss a moment of anything these days. We had a lovely Christmas of 2008. I cannot pretend to say that it was completely lighthearted, most days were washed with a little sadness and a little emptiness. Human beings are so complicated in that we can feel grateful and joyful at the same time we feel heartbroken and crushed.

The lessons of 2008 are simple for us.

• Have faith.
  
• Love each moment with the people in your life.
  
• Live the life you want to live.

I don't know what 2009 will bring. I make less plans for the future now than I did a few years ago. But I know that I have a remarkable husband and wonderful kids and that feels like more bounty than I deserve.

Seamus, here are some thoughts for you as we begin 2009. School! Real, big kid school. I'm so excited for this - another big first for us all. You've become such a little grown up, so helpful and eager. I find myself thinking how much easier you often make my life (getting the milk from downstairs, turning on lights for the kids, finding toys for MJ to play with when I'm doing something else). You can clear your plate and load the dishwasher, buckle yourself into the car and sometimes help your brother, you can brush your own teeth with good results, pick out clothes that match, get all of your own snow stuff on, you can find PBS kids online and figure out how to play all the games (I hope I don't rue this too soon), you can read a few books to MJ before bed, and you've become quite an intuitive listener too. I bet you'll be reading more on your own this year but I hope you don't tire of our story time, because it is the best part of my day. Recently you've told me that you want to be an inventor, and a person who builds buildings for people who are sick. You also said that you'd like to stay home and take care of the kids (not sure what kids you meant) and write stories.


I say it over and over, but you are such a pleasure. I love your 5 year old self so much that it's hard to imagine you'll be 6 this year but I know that you'll be full of energy and surprises. For Christmas you asked Santa for a dragon set.

On Christmas Eve when he gave you a car, you politely said that he'd made a mistake. You had requested a dragon. Once it was clear that this wasn't going to change anything, you hugged him and sat down with your car. Since thanksgiving, you had told everyone who would listen (including Santa himself at least 3 times) that you wanted a dragon for Christmas. I could see you sort of replaying these conversations in your head as you sat quietly on the floor. Santa told you he was coming again later that night and so you silently kept your hope alive. Unfortunately, Santa again did not bring you a dragon on xmas morning. After a few more days, and no more mention of the dragon (though we all saw your eyes when you'd open a present and discover a book or a building set - happy, grateful, but clearly confused at the lack of dragonness of these presents) aunt Andie gave you one last present - exactly the dragon set that you wanted! You were so excited and pleased (a sort of Christmas miracle). I was so proud of your willingness to move on when you didn't get the toy that you wanted, and then I was so pleased by your delight and surprise when you did. As soon as it was opened, you laid everything out on the floor and shared it with your brother. We all watched a little amazed.

Finnypie, you have become the little heart of the family this year. You're full of love and exuberance. Seamus adores you and you are inseparable most days. MJ follows you around trying to steal you away from Seamus as much as she can, tugging at your hand or the back of your shirt. And God bless you, you somehow find a way to keep them both entertained. You have become a clothes horse - constantly interested in getting "handsome" and frankly, you've got a nice knack for it. You like a shirt with a collar, pants with a belt and a nice sweater. You got a few sweaters for Christmas and what 3 year old jumps up and down and puts them immediately on? You just kill us sometime.

You - in your little 3 year old way, have helped with all our grief immensely. You seem to have a unique intuition about when to hug or cuddle, when to be funny or quiet and when to be honest about how you're feeling. The most precious and poignant example I can think of was one night over Christmas when I found you crying in bed one night, sad because you said you wanted Grandpa to wake up. This was both piercing and comforting because it seems like evidence that you will remember this special connection to Grandpa. While rubbing your back, I reminded you that Grandpa would always be in your heart and you replied "I want him out of my heart now. I just want him here." We all do buddy, and the truth is that when we look at you, he is out of our hearts and sitting in front of our eyes.

Little Missypie, MJ, your father says it all the time, he doesn't know what we would have all done if you hadn't come into our lives when you did. 2008 was a big year for you - walking, some talking and developing into quite a personality. You love kisses, big wet, messy kisses. You will hold on to my face, kissing and giggling until I cannot stand it anymore (and it takes a long time before I insist on wiping off). You like to cuddle in bed and your new favorite thing is to pat the spot next to you on the bed, a sofa, chair or bench and motion me to come sit. You're pretty bossy and I'm hoping that will lessen as you learn to talk more, but in light of your namesake, I'm guessing it won't. Nick and Erin (mostly Erin) gave you a cabbage patch doll for Christmas, you call her Dolly or Bing (I have no idea why) and you go nowhere without her. She is now a critical part of the family. You and Connor played more together this time - there was less screaming and hitting on both parts - and you both seemed to agree that hugging is preferable to biting. Thank God.





On Christmas Eve you sat in Greta's lap waiting to see what this Santa thing was all about. And I watched my mother survey the room as we started our first Christmas carol, I saw the moment her gaze settled on the two of you, and I watched her eyes swell up and I could feel the joy in her heart at the sight of you. My mother, aunt Mary and I cried all through the song and several of the girls teased me, but sometimes you can't help but feel overwhelmed by these little nameless gifts.

More later....