Who Are You?

So it seems like time for one of those "baseline" posts where I remind the children of all those things they put us through when they were little. Running naked through the house (Seamus) and skinning his butt on the stairs (this morning). Finn sending me all through the house looking for the "yiddle doggy" only to discover it under his pillow (a few minutes ago), and of course fishing "rocks" out of the bath tub that MJ deposited while bathing with Finn last week. A shower for Finn and a lot of bleach later we are none the worse for wear, but I do see these family moments once vivid, start to fade away into the mundane goings on of life.

I think we probably forget more than we remember, but its the simple act of carrying on, tucking in, wiping off, picking up and sitting down that fills up the journey. I know I've lost so many wonderful moments, things I'll forget to tell James or my mom, those soft times when you are so filled with hope or love or pride, that disappear into the whirlwind of rushing out the door, or fixing whatever just broke, or making dinner on time.

I take comfort in knowing that while these memories may disappear, our lives and loves are built on the remnants of forgotten specifics - layers of happy feelings, warmed hearts, thicker skin. I guess its our ability to be casual about something that makes it part of us. I suppose that's where the blogging began for me - an easy way to capture these moments as they pass by. So here's a little snippet of what I do know about each of you so far:

Seamus you are our lighthearted boy, who has spent quite a bit of time lately feeling heavy hearted. It is so hard for us to watch. When uncle Tom died you were so comforting to dad, to grandpa, to everyone really. This time you've needed your own comfort. You are old enough to be hurt by loss, but I also hope you are old enough to retain some wonderful memories. Like crabbing with Grandpa, seeing the shark, all of Grandpa's cool treats - the Russian hats, the spoons and pans, the little lights, the Secret Service coins. You may not understand that as much fun as you had (and continue to have) with those things, Grandpa had more fun watching you. He was at his best as a Grandfather at Christmas this year, showering love and lapping it up himself.

Katie is reading you the 4th Harry Potter - I think you love being in her arms more than you're enjoying the story right now. She is your special friend - and I think you are hers.

You and Finn chase each other around like lunatics, but you also play so nicely together. You've gotten to the point where you will help Finn reach things, or find things without being asked or told. You are showing him how to be a good big brother by learning yourself.

You are into rocking out. Lots of rocking out. Singing. Dancing. Poutty air-guitar playing. This morning I said I had a special treat for you - you asked if it was a drum set (it was hot chocolate). You take on everything with open arms, a big grin and a willingness to laugh at yourself. All wonderful qualities I must say.

Mr. Finn. We've been feeling a little sad for you - mostly because you are 100% Dougherty and you would have had special relationships with Uncle Tom and Grandpa. But I don't doubt that you still will - it's just not in the way we had planned.

You have grown up so much in the last 6 months. You're into bigger kid things - you've soften a little bit - like you adore hugs, cuddles and kisses now. You don't always have to be the tough guy. In fact you demand "rub my back" on a regular basis - which clearly has little to do with back rubbing and more to do with extra cuddles and love. Sometimes you offer to rub our backs too - and I think its so endearing - you're just trying to do something nice - and that always feels good.

You love everything Playmobile - you'll sit at the dining room table for hours playing with the little guys and their swords, horses, and tiny guns. You've got pirates, cowboys and knights all interacting around the candlesticks and center piece. I usually have no idea what you're imagining but you do have an engrossing imagination.

I'm also thinking about calling you Noah - because you can usually be found with a menagerie of animals (usually oddly enough in twos). You actually did find a boat and have been using it as your animal carrying case. Last night you wanted to bring your animals into the bathtub (you have very clean toys). You couldn't find them in your room and so you yelled down the stairs at me: "Oh NO! Mamma, animals ran away!" Fortunately aunt Katie found them in the basement - but even you thought you were a little funny.

You've got a little demon in you too and it's hard not to laugh at you sometimes. When you've done something naughty, you've got a great grimace/grin that says "Look at this face? How can you be mad?" And it's everything in us to stick to our guns.

Little Miss MJ. You are early on still in your exploits career, but all the same you're having fun and on the move. While we were in New Jersey you started pulling yourself up on just about anything - now you're starting to pull yourself along the funiture - but you prefer being on your tummy moving like lightening. You have a huge smile - it makes you look like Finn - and most of the time you are smiling.

You still seem like such a peanut to me and I am grateful that even though this year went fast, we all reveled in your "baby-ness". In fact the highlight of Christmas for me was when Grandma and Grandpa arrived and Grandpa ran to pull out his box of treasure. While he was watching the boys dig through the box, I walked in carrying you and Grandpa said to me: "Give me that girl - give me my girl." He smiled and snuggled you, just enjoying so fully being with you kids. And it just filled me up. He'd come along way as a Grandpa - when Seamus was born he was nervous about holding him - by the time you came around he was all settled in. His time was brief, but his love was full.

I am continually surprised by the daily life of parenting - I would have said that having a daughter wouldn't be any different than having boys - but now 9 months in - I will say it is a little different. Mothers and daughters, fathers and sons, we all have unique relationships. I certainly don't mean one is better than the others - but knowing that there are differences enhances all of them. I am reveling in having a daughter. And so is dad.

You don't know what you need sometimes until it comes into your life, and we didn't know how much we needed these little beings. In all the messiness of family life, we are grateful for all we are learning from each of you and for each moment we have together - even if the memory sometimes slowly slips away - the love never does.