The Schneeman Nut Times - Triathlon Race Day

Mary Jeanne and Dan both turned in killer times for the day, sweeping each of their kids and grandchildren into a smoking trash heap. When asked about his mother's tri-prowess, renowned sprint triathlete Eric Schneeman simply said, "uh....uh....how come...how come..."

Also befuddled by this twist was longtime competitor Arnie Gough. When informed of the results, Arnie stumbled away muttering under his breath - "I think she was out there to just 'have some fun'. I finally get what she's been talking about all these years....if only I had listened..."

Dan's accomplishment was made that much more impressive by the fact that he biked the 112 mile course on a circa 1970's road bike with two flat tires. When asked if he'd have won if he had a properly maintained bike - he quizzically (but lovingly) replied, "We are so blessed."

Evidently, these two cavalier triathletes were not even seen on the course - that's how fast they were moving. On a sidenote - Mary Jeanne was able to maintain top speed in the water without even getting her hair wet, a feat astounding most race officials.

Mary Waldvogel was quoted as mentioning - "I really thought that one week train/taper program was going to work. I want my money back." Impressive collegiate athlete/participant/amateur personal trainer Casey Gough simply stated, "No refunds, Aunt Mary." as he laughed his way to the bank. When questioned about this decision, he simply said, "Competition Breeds Success" and charged this reporter an additional $5 for his services.

Signing off, this is Mr. Minor Nut reporting for the Schneeman Nut Times. This minor nut agrees with the patriarch - We are so blessed.