Father's Day

Well, kids, as you know your father rocks (see previous entry). I think that while you are still 4, 2 and 1, no one truly knows how spectacular your dad is better than you do - and I love how much you adore him. I also know that when you read these entries for the first time you might have some other ideas about your father and I's "coolness", but I guess we'll see.

My favorite thing, if I could have just one about your dad, is that there is nothing he loves more or anything that he loves better than you guys and me. Everything else is second place - including himself. Not everyone can say that about their dads.

The thing about becoming a parent is that once you are someone's mother or father, you gain a bit of immortality. Because no matter if the time period that you are able to change diapers, tie shoes, give advice, pay tuition, yell, listen, hug, and love is for weeks, years, or decades; when you are gone, you're still someone's father, mother, grandmother or grandfather. That part never changes.

If someone asked me about my own grandmother, I wouldn't say I don't have one. I'd say, "her name was Edith and she loved to have parties". Or "her name was Helen and she loved the Minnesota Twins and Kirby Pucket". We're all still very sad because of Grandpa and Uncle Tom, but I'm remembering today, that they're still a big part of our family. When someone asks you about your Grandpa or your uncle, you'll be able to smile and say, "his name was Tom and he loved me." And it couldn't be more true.

We've worked hard to make this a nice day for dad - but I think the best thing that you'll do for your dad today was cuddle with him in bed. You read the newspaper (there were pictures of the Wild Things in the comics) ate cheesy eggs (only Finn really likes the eggs - Seamus is still an apple-man), and we got to enjoying sitting against big pillows with the beginnings of a summer tan, the cool breeze coming through the window, and that was the best gift of all. You might not remember today - but the happiness that settled over us at that moment becomes one of the translucent layers of our family's love. And that love stays long after we're gone.

There's a poem I've been thinking of that I want to include today, it's from a silly cabin book, but something that has stuck with me since I was a little girl.
From Tom Hegg's poem, Grandpa's Hands:

Grandpa's hands may be at rest
But we will be forever blessed
Because hands that did their loving best
Can never lose their touch.

Some photos...

Alcatraz!

This was my 4th time competing in the Escape from Alcatraz Triathlon with the one (the only) Charlie. He's a lot faster than I - but I have a blast riding the boat out with him before the plunge. He also has other wonderful assets - he provides me a sweet bike for the race, numerous accessories (water bottles, towels, etc.), multiple tivo'ed episodes of The Office, a place to stay, and Andrea - whose love, baking, and cooking prowess are only outdone by her good looks and willingness to await us at the finish line with champagne.



On a sidenote - I defeated Charlie for the first time ever this year. I beat his transition from the bike to the run by 5 seconds! After years of combing statistics looking for one aspect where I may have edged him out - VICTORY! (He must have fallen down) Feel free to email him and comment. If you're looking for a subject line, you might use "James owns Charlie" (just a suggestion)




^{Does anyone know which way the weight room is? Is it that way?}




I always miss the fam lots at this event - we need to accelerate their training so we can all do it next year. In an attempt to try and play up the event for the kiddies- I gave this little speech on the way to the airport, "Daddy's going to visit Charlie. We're going to plunge into the icy, shark infested waters of San francisco Bay; Bike the grueling elevations of SF; then run the dreaded sand ladder in our quest to Escape from the Rock {insert dramatic pause}" They were very quiet...although Finn did warn me (as he does daily) "Don't fall off your bike, Dad." Very helpful, Finn. Thanks. However, every time I called home, Seamus greeted me with extensive questions. "Dad, is the sand ladder made of sand?" "Do you take a boat to the sand ladder?" "Could I do the sand ladder with you?" "Could I ride my alleycat behind you to the sand ladder?" "I want to ladder the sand, but I don't like deep water. Is the water deep?" Evidently, the sand ladder captured his imagination. Here's a picture that captures it a bit - it goes for 400 steps.


Many thanks to Margo and Julian for hosting us for a post race dinner! We had great food - Margo is an excellent cook. And they treated us to their great views of the city. We played "Stump the Julian" by randomly pointing at distant locations from their deck - but lost. While, again, a visit with margo has come and gone without a picture - I've posted this picture of her and Julian to prove that they do, in fact, exist. Thanks again, Margo and Julian!

A good time was had by all. Party.


Thanks Anne, Seamus, Finn, and MJ - for rooting me on, loving me from MN, and welcoming me home! Go Dougherty summer of fitness!

Enter the Chino

Darren Chin, a great friend from our SF days stopped by to visit on his cross country drive from LA to Boston. Being us, we convinced him to stay a day longer than he intended, so we declare victory.

While we (allegedly) did lots of fun stuff, this was the only picture taken.




One of our other great friends, Margo (of ukelele, banjo, and "camp schneeman" fame), was also in town - we didn't get a single picture of her.

Fun weekend - but, alas, no proof.

We love you, Darren. We love you, Margo. Come move to Minnesota. It's way better than those silly places where you live.

The Mohawk

The boys got their summer hair cuts on Thursday and Friday. Finn got his because he got gum in his hair - another fun "first". Seamus missed the cut on Thursday because he was playing at a friend's house. On Thursday night he said instead of a buzz cut, he wanted a Mohawk. We asked how he knew what a Mohawk was and he said from "the barber".




We're not sure when he was pursuing haircuts at a barbershop, but in the end James said, "Ok, Bud, but just for the weekend." So this was the weekend of the Mohawk. I bought a bike on Saturday and we brought all three kids to pick it up. Seamus was sporting his new hairdo as well as a beat up t-shirt and camouflaged boots. James called him St. Paul punk. Let's just say he acted the part.

Actually he was sort of spit and vinegar all weekend which I attributed to the hair cut, so first thing yesterday morning I shaved the rest of it off. Whew. He did say that next time he wanted it to be blue...

Mothers. Daughters. Sisters. Friends.

I'm having a hard time keeping up with the blog - the sunshine, the closet cleaning, the gardening and the Dougherty summer of Fitness 2008 - is getting in the way of my creative process. Life has been really wonderful lately. The boys are funny, wild and happy. They are also pretty independent (well, as independent as a preschooler can be), they are happy to play in the yard making mud pies or playing soccer (which looks very little like real soccer since there is usually tackling). MJ is thinking about walking - she seems to change every day - and we are enjoying her thoroughly. James took the boys to the compost last night to clear out my weekends work, and so I had some quiet time with MJ. I read to her in the rocker that James bought for me the mother's day I was pregnant with Seamus and she seemed to delight in the special attention. Sometimes I think I could smother the kids with kisses and snuggles. It is such a blessing.




We headed up to the lake over mother's day weekend to open cabins (since this is the latest spring that anyone can remember). And I got to enjoy some fun time with my mother. MJ slept all through brunch (the smaller one) so I didn't get a picture with the three of us. Mother's Day for me this year was really about feeling grateful that I enjoy being a mother so much - which sounds silly - but I just didn't know that I would be as happy and comfortable with motherhood. I'm a place right now where I feel so pleased to be exactly where I am - for the first time (maybe ever in my life) I know I am doing exactly what I want to be doing and what I need to be doing. It took me awhile to get here, but now that I've arrived I feel a sort of gratitude to the kids for helping me find this part of myself. Diapers, dinners and discipline aren't always a laugh riot, but these wonderful relationships and every day that I have is filled with someones special "first" or watching a child discover something brand new is just a pleasure. And of course, it wouldn't be everything that it is without James. He's been so patient with me as we figure out this parenting thing. Our life is vastly different than what it was five years ago, so much has changed, but I wouldn't make any different choices. The four best things I've ever done were get married, and have each of our children. Now, the best days of my life change all the time, and I'm pretty sure they are all in my future.



I've also included some photos from my mother's birthday (75 whopping years). The girls surprised her with an afternoon of shopping, manicures and lunch. We had so much fun - there was very little quiet in the day - we decided we need to do this every week. The boys surprised her the next night and took her out for drinks - I'm sure this was equally as loud. If I've learned anything its that I hope I enjoy my life, my husband and my kids half as much as my mother does. We all my be lunatics, but we sure have fun.












The pictures are acting goofy, I'll try and fix later.

In the Quiet Moments

Last night in the quiet time before bed, I was telling James about my conversations with Seamus yesterday and he reminded me that I should be blogging about these sorts of things, but my heart still feels so heavy sometimes that it's just too hard. But he pointed out how important it will be for Seamus to know how important Grandpa Tom was to him as a child and how he struggled just like the rest of us even though he was so small.

We walked down to the gym and the grocery store in the morning and had been talking about Grandma Barbara and when we were going to see her again. And Seamus said, "Mamma, it just isn't fair. I don't understand why I don't get to have my grandpa anymore." On and off during the day yesterday, he'd want to sit in my lap and he'd cry a little. This happens every once in awhile. And it's so hard when they say things that you don't have answers for - which Seamus seems to do more and more now. And I told him I agreed that this didn't seem fair, but that there was nothing we could really do about it now except think about all the wonderful times we had together. You know, I just didn't really have anything else to say, and I really want him to remember some of this time, but I guess I know that these memories may fade. I guess that's the hardest thing to swallow.

So I asked Seamus what he remembered. And he said he remembered going crabbing off the pier (even though we didn't catch any crabs, it was still fun); he remembered the boardwalk and getting pizza and running in the rain; playing at the park when MJ was born and skinning his knees; he remembered opening grandpa's box of treasure from Christmas and reading stories on the sofa. He said he just wanted to see him again. We talked about all of these things for a while and I'm not sure we really felt better, but we did enjoy thinking about all the good times. It's a very hard part of parenting when you realize that no matter what you do or say, you can't fix everything or heal every wound, you just do you best to love your child and help them be the kind of people who can be strong and resilient. Being sad and angry and hurt is all part of life - I guess its best they learn that while surrounded by people who love them.

Finn has also had some just excruciating comments in the last few months. Even though he was so small, he and Grandpa had a very special bond. He really didn't understand what happened. When young Tom died we underestimated how much the boys understood, I think this time we overestimated. Before Easter, Finn kept asking if Grandpa was coming back. And then he would repeat (sometimes endlessly) "grandpa died." or "your dad died." It was almost enough to make James crazy. In early March, before bedtime he started in on his routine and I said maybe a little sharply, "No, honey, it's not nice to say that all the time, you're making us all feel more sad." And I realized right away it was the wrong thing to say. He looked so confused. And I realized he wasn't really making a statement so much as he was asking a question. He just didn't understand what had happened and no one was explaining it to him. So we talked a little more that night and then he said "Mom, I'm a superhero. I save him." And I feel apart. I said there wasn't anything to save Grandpa from - he just was where he needed to be - even though that isn't where we wanted him to be. The next night after showers he asked me again if Grandpa was coming and when I said no, he held on to my face and said "Please". Like we were withholding him. I know that there will be other hard things, but boy, these few conversations rattled within long after they were over.

Boys, you each knew and loved your Grandpa. And he loved you both so much. I hope by the time you are reading these stories that we've told you so many more. I hope you can picture him in your hearts and know that we have been so blessed. MJ all I can say is that he loved holding you and he was tickled to have a granddaughter. I wish you'd had more time together, but I know he would have treated you like a prize. The beauty of family and blood is that even though you won't remember his touch, a part of him is part of you forever and always.

That's enough for now.