A View from the Inside

On Monday night Seamus wasn't falling asleep (he had a three hour nap in the afternoon) and so as I was getting into bed, he kept calling to me from his room. "Mom, the Knight book is really cool." "Mom, can I have some water?" "Mom, is it alright if I go potty?" Finally when he saw my light go out I heard his feet scurrying along the cork floors. "Can I have a cuddle for one minute, I'm chilly." The kids know that they can sneak in bed with us if they promise to stay for only "one minute."

Earlier in the day we had been talking about uncle Tom and what the boys remember about him. It was a lovely conversation and heartening to think about all of the aspects of Tom that Seamus has internalized - I'm not sure how much is in natural memory and how much is our habit of reminiscing, but in any case he believes he has some lovely memories. It's also interesting to me but he remembers the funeral pretty clearly and he has some clear memories of the blue condo and flying the pirate kite on the beach with Grandpa. He remembers cuddling in bed with Grandma and Grandpa and worrying about how sick Finn and I got. He also remembers the blue sleeping bags and asked if Connor had them now.

So he when he crawled into bed and snuggled up next to me (James was still in New Jersey) he must have still been in a nostalgic mood. He took some deep breaths and I could feel him settling down. After a few minutes of quiet, he said: "Mom, would you like me to tell you about what it felt like before I was born, you know, when I was in your tummy?" And I of course said sure. "Well, it was cozy and warm and I could hear everything you said about me." I laughed about this and even though it was totally dark I could feel Seamus smiling. "And I could see these things, oh what are they called?" And I said I didn't know, since he was the only one with an expert opinion on the subject. "Oh! That's right. I saw lots of potatoes! There were potatoes everywhere."

Now you have to understand that I've told Seamus numerous times that when I was pregnant with him I ate a baked potato every day for lunch. It was just the only thing that always sounded good to me.

There was something so funny and unexpected about this that I laughed for a long time hugging and kissing his forehead. And as I was falling asleep I let him stay cuddled up next to me because I couldn't get over how fast its all gone. From James reading Horton Hears A Who to my belly in San Francisco to this thoughtful, wonderful little person who in no time will be too big to cuddle in bed. I slept soundly, grateful for this gift.