I know it's been awhile since I've had a substantial update - I'm not exactly sure why - but I've had a challenging few weeks and I've missed the little outlet that blogging provides for me. The kids are changing so fast that I sometimes feel anxious that I'm not enjoying or absorbing or something all of these fleeting moments. I am also realizing that my birthday (wow-32) kind of threw me for a loop this year. I thought a lot about my birthday - which is pretty unlike me - over the last few weeks.
Maybe because I remember when I found out I was pregnant with Seamus, in my head I did that "life scheduling" routine. "We want three kids. Baby at 27 means hopefully, baby at 29 and baby at 31." I remember having that thought. And now, here we are 4 years later and it's all already happened and it went by in a blink. And I now appreciate the ease with which my life has met, but I'm also much more aware of the luck we've had. I understand so clearly now that our plans are only plans, the future becomes the past while we're planning, decorating, cleaning, sleeping etc. So I'm trying so hard to live in the moment in every aspect of life but it ain't always easy - I tend to be a planner. Tom died shortly after his 32 birthday, when so many of his dreams had come true, and I take that as his reminder to me - to know that every day, every breath, every person who you love is a gift. I'm resolving to waste less time and to focus on the gifts, the joys, the moments.
The picture is from my birthday - we're on a walk with Andie, Connor, Grandma, Grandpa and cousin Jason. I have been so blessed with loved ones. Especially these.
