Two Lessons

There were so many lovely happenings this summer. Lots of wonderful guests, afternoons full of reading, the kid's discovering of fishing, enjoying and settling into the new cabin and dad having a little vacation. For the most part the weather was wonderful, the kids are healthy and the baby seems to be growing along as scheduled. But I have struggled a lot this summer, I often felt sad (which is not normal for me), I got my feelings hurt a few times (I usually have very thick skin), and its cast a bit of a pall over our time at the lake. Thank God your dad has been so patient with me.

I guess I'm writing this for two reasons first to make some of the struggle feel productive and second to let you know that everyone (even the most positive and enthusiastic people) struggles sometimes. There is no shame in having a hard time, but you do have to find a way forward.

I suppose it should all be chalked up to pregnancy hormones (although I am going in to get my thyroid checked per your father's request) or maybe it had to do with being over committed (which was a common topic of conversation this summer). I lost count of the number of times people told me I looked tired or terrible, which is not a very helpful thing to say to someone. I have cried an awful lot this summer and on the few particularly hard days dad and I could see how my sadness cascaded down through you three. Kids are like a weather vane of their parents emotion.

But being home has helped me to feel a bit better (Winsors are coming for dinner tonight - I'm just realizing that maybe there is a connection). So I've gotten some clarity recently and its gotten me thinking about your futures with the cabin. It is easier to work together (note I didn't say easy) when everything is sailing along smoothly, its harder when we're not all at the same place in our lives, when some of us are struggling.

The Schneeman Family cabins are Grandma and Grandpa's legacy to their kids and we're hoping to be able to pass them on to you and your cousins. In order for a family to be successful with this kind of endeavor (and frankly, very few are) there are a couple of lessons that have become more clear to me.

• Everyone brings something different to the table. While some might be good at cleaning a kitchen others might be handy or just hardworking. Someone needs to pay the bills and attend the meetings, someone needs to bring in the boats and chop the wood. We need each other and all the different things we can offer (practically and financially).
• Clean is relative. Ask yourself would you rather have a immaculate cabin or an empty one and live with the answer.
  
• That being said, be mindful of the mess you make and work hard to be a good steward of your shared space. Often what everyone uses, no one takes care of, so assume it is your responsibility. Don't just check the box, do it right. Open your eyes and see what needs to be done (empty community garbage cans, load wood for someone else's fire pit, clean a community fridge or an oven). A well done job is its own reward.
  
• Watch your words. A kind word will carry a weekend, but a thoughtless one is harder to let go. Imagine everything you say is being overheard.
• Hopefully we say Thank You more than I'm Sorry - but they both matter.
• Be direct. A five minute conversation will serve you better than a memo or an email.
• Share graciously - remember this all started as a gift.
  
• Things break. Don't point fingers, communicate it or even better, fix it. It's incredibly satisfying.
  
• Look for solutions not problems. Solutions are way more fun anyway.
• Always look for strengths in people and remember that at different points everyone struggles. Be the person who lifts people up when they are down. God gave you siblings and cousins for a reason.
  
• There is no place on earth like The Lake. Your grandparents, aunts, uncles and parents have left fingerprints on every aspect of it. Larger than the beauty is the history. Respect it.

This list is a reflection of mistakes I've made and some perspective now that I'm recognizing that if we don't do a good job setting the stage there is very little chance that you'll be able to pass along a piece of the lake to your kids. Hospital corners on clean sheets used to be very important to me - but I'm settling down as I age.

We're now in the second summer of the formal family partnership. Goughs built their cabin, Nick and Erin are finishing theirs. Things are changing around us and change is both wonderful and challenging. We all embrace change at various paces and we all experience it differently. Grandma and Grandpa are now nearly 80 and the grandchildren are now bringing the great grandchildren to the beach.

I don't know what Bottle Lake will look like when you're an adult - I hope the spirit remains very similar to what it is today - which is really just a place for relationships and memories, shared vacation and shared history. Without Bottle Lake, our family would look very different and so we owe a lot to its clean waters and wonderful shores. I hope that my siblings and I have laid the ground work for a continued successful legacy, only you will know for sure.